


Love Boat Cast

by hotot, TheAmazingBlue_J



Series: Love Boat [3]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Ace/Aro Characters, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Cruise Ship, Cast List, Everyone is Queer, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Polyamory, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 15:08:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8494678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotot/pseuds/hotot, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAmazingBlue_J/pseuds/TheAmazingBlue_J
Summary: “There is no real moral to this story. Or even a story, to be honest. There is a lot of fucking though. Perhaps that is enough”- OglafTina Shepard is the lusty, haphazard captain of the commercial space cruise-liner, The Normandy.This is her crew.





	

**Author's Note:**

> We were planning on writing an actual chapter to introduce everybody in this AU, but it was getting in the way of the smut, so we opted to just post our cast in a list.  
> This is basically just a cleaned up and slightly edited transcript of our chat the night this AU was born.
> 
> also: we will be updating this list as we write more of this AU

**About this AU:**

The same characters you know and love, but instead of a stealth frigate, they are the passengers and crew of an interstellar party cruise ship. Also, they bang. A lot.

This AU is mostly comedy and smut, is the point I'm trying to make.

 

**The cast (in no particular order)**

 

**Shepard-**

Captain of the Normandy, a luxury cruise liner in the Spectre Voyages fleet.

Has no filter, and almost no shame.

In a long term relationship with Garrus, and pursuing a relationship with Tali.

Miranda’s ex, will defend her to the death.

Sometimes can’t remember who she’s slept with.

Crashed the previous Normandy due to catastrophic sex mishap.

Doesn’t like to talk about it

Pansexual.

Tells people she has standards. (She doesn’t)

Obsessed with everyone’s ass.

 

**Garrus-**

Operations chief with a dark past (he used to be Batman on Omega)

In a long term relationship with Shepard, also pursuing a relationship with Tali

Gets around just as much as Shepard, but better at keeping in on the DL

Would like to remind Shepard to SIT STILL, that hurts!

Bisexual (✔)

 

**Miranda-**

The Normandy’s XO, forever exasperated as she tries to keep her captains exploits out of the press (and away from the shareholders).

Shepard’s ex, will defend her to the death.

Currently in a relationship with Jacob.

Used to work for Cerberus, the human exclusive cruise line

Trans, Demisexual.

People sometimes call her a prude, and then Shepard kills them.

not literally(we hope) except that one time she did and...

 

**Jacob-**

Head of security, one of the few people who actually does his job.

Bisexual.

Miranda’s main squeeze

 

**Grunt-**

Bouncer.

Youngest crew member.

Shepard sees Grunts sex education as her personal (and for once, non sexual) mission, and she's the best (or worst) wingman ever

 

 

**Jack-**

Bouncer.

Agender ze/hir

Stone.

Sadomasochist.

 

**Zaeed-**

Bartender, always has a tall tale to tell.

Nobody’s quite sure whether to believe him, but he does have some wicked scars.

Once just laughed as Shepard drunkenly made out with Conrad Verner.

Only one who’s actually good at his job

Bisexual.

Has a really amazing ass.

Shepard is really obsessed with his ass (and everyone else’s actually).

 

**Mordin-**

Retired scientist on cruise to research shells on different worlds.

Also secretly studying xenosexuality.

Runs covert tests, gives unsolicited sexual advice to the crew.

Has become a fairly permanent resident of the ship, crew members come to him when they’re too embarrassed to go to Chakwas

Aro/ace

 

**Tali-**

Plucky Mechanic.

Always with the barriers.

Secretly in love with Shepard and Garrus.

Bi and Demi.

 

**Samara-**

Ship’s yoga instructor/relaxation/tantric sex expert

 

**Kelly-**

entertainment director.

Always sleeps with entertainers.

Feeds fish.

Xenophile.

Smarmy drag persona.

Gender fluid

 

**Liara-**

Director of planetside tours.

Somewhat obsessed with Shepard.

 

**Kasumi-**

Assumed to be an heiress.

Has a permanent cabin on the ship.

Secretly a thief

 

**EDI-**

Concierge.

Aspiring comedian.

All her jokes come off a bit unsettling and she has a tendency to explain them

 

**Thane-**

On Vacation with his son.

Secretly a spy.

In a D/S relationship with both Shepard and Garrus, who call him Ki.

Shepard and Garrus want to make a Thane Sandwich.

 

**Kolyat & Feron- **

Gay Drells!

Gay Drells!

Gay Drells!

Just super gay drell spies

 

**Kaidan & Ashley- **

On their honeymoon.

Ashley is the only straight person on the ship.

Scandalized… and fascinated.

Possible voyeur tendencies.

 

**Jondum Bau-**

makes an appearance to investigate Kasumi

 

**Udina-**

Corporate bigwig.

 

**Legion-**

bellhop.

Gets confused about sexy stuff, asks awkward questions.

Has cute hat

 

**Joker-**

Wisecracking pilot, pretty much same as canon

 

**Cortez-**

2nd shift pilot.

Major crush on James.

 

**James-**

Chef.

Famous for his huevos.

Submissive.

Wants to be under the XO ;)

 

**Wrex-**

Maker, that’s a lot of testicles

 

**Anderson-**

Stressed out middle manager who just wants shepard to Behave

 

**Chakwas-**

Ship’s doctor.

Thinks the crew are her children.

The ship mom.

Aro.

 

 **Conrad Verner-**  

Made out with a drunken shepard once while Zaeed watched and laughed.

Obsessed with her ever since.

Keeps applying for a job on the Normandy.

 

**Traynor-**

New navigator/communications specialist.

A little overwhelmed by all the attractive ladies and all the...sex… people seem to be having.

Saves the day with her vibrator.

Major crush on EDI.

Lesbian

 

**Gardner-**

Sassy waiter at The Captain’s Lounge bar.

Notices everything.

Rolls his eyes at everything.

 

**Gabby-**

Total sweetheart

 

**Ken-**

Major dirtbag


End file.
